I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
