i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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