hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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