Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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