just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize