Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
