HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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