Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
