this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
