small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
