were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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