Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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