fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
