i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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