I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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