I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drake has all the answers
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
