Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
