Pants 0. Shit 1.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
