Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
