It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
