I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
