doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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