At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
