no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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