if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
