this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
