I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
did i just pee glitter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
