I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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