Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
