TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
