She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
