I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
