I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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