4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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