i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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