your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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