p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
