??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Terrible idea I love it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
