he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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