Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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