so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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