I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
