okay pat passed out under dana's car
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
