The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
