I cannot find my penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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