I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
