Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
