cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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