I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
