I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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