I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize