Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
