k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
