chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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