Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
