I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
