im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
