whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
