apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
