I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
