i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
