He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
