someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
