I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
