I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
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