Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
