I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
