Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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