First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
