Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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