I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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