Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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