i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
