she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
