i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
