Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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