she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
