Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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