im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's shark week go big or go home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
