he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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