I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
