happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
