Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
