Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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