Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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