Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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