i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
